Now you are one

To my sweet boy,

Last week you turned one. On Thursday night I put my baby, my eleven-month-old, to bed and I woke up with a one-year-old. I know it’s only one night but it seems that in that night so much changed. That night marked the end of something – the end of you being a baby.

Over the last few months you have slowly stopped doing some of the things that defined the baby days. When you wake in the night if I lay you on my chest you don’t find the instant peace that you used to, it’s not comfortable anymore so you shuffle away. When you cry it’s not only me that can settle you, you’ll be happy with a few of your special people now. A cuddle on the sofa isn’t enough to get you to sleep at night these days, there are a very specific set of steps that need to be followed. I can’t pinpoint when it happened but you aren’t a baby anymore. You can walk confidently, you eat anything and everything and you NEVER stop babbling on.

first birthday

All grown up on your first slide

Seeing the wonder and delight in your eyes as you explore the world around you makes me prouder than you will ever know. I’m happy that you are turning into an independent, determined, confident little boy but every day that you learn something new it seems you need me a little bit less and it makes me need you a whole lot more. Watching you grow and learn is more beautiful than I ever could have dreamed and I know how lucky I am but a big part of me wishes you could hold on just a little while longer. Be my baby just a little while longer.

It’s a terrible cliché but you never realise how fast time flies until you have a child. It seems only yesterday I was a terrified young girl with a positive pregnancy stick in my hand, feeling like I was making a terrible mistake. And now here I am, a mother, wishing I could start all over again.

first birthday

Birthday fun

I really am struggling with the idea of you growing up. I’m already picturing the day when you don’t want to kiss me on the lips anymore, when you don’t hold my hand in public, when I’m not your favourite person anymore – it is all going to come by sooner than I know. Help me out and don’t grow up too fast. And promise me that you will always be my baby.

Love you more than you will ever know,

Your mama x

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